Making Space for Connection

Moving around every few years has a lot of downsides, but a major upside is the exploration of a new place on foot. At first, that exploration is usually solo. But eventually the miles become shared & the running reaches far beyond stronger legs. 

Womanhood can be tough. (Insert: the Barbie monologue) There are a lot of challenges in our world and sometimes (always) balancing family, friends, careers & health can be stressful. Running friendships have saved me from using a lot of bad words & reminded me that everyone is struggling and none of us need to do it alone. 

I started running when I was in high school, but never competitively, just with my parents and occasionally on my own, to stay healthy. My first 5K was with my mom and there was a pancake breakfast at the end so I was IN for that. Then as a teen, I knew I wanted to join the military and my dad said that I would be better off if I could run a few miles before I went to basic training. Boy was he right!! 

When we were stationed in Oklahoma I started inviting a close friend to run with me. We were both busy moms and we wanted to be healthy AND socialize, but we didn’t really have time for both. We found that running and talking was so incredibly good for us. We eventually signed up for a half marathon and we did all our long training miles together. It was always easier to get out the door when someone else was waiting AND having the time to talk about life stress was so needed. Sometimes we’d end up crying, we laughed constantly, we vented, we expressed gratitude, talked about everything…at the end of every run I felt lighter and happier than when we’d started. 

A few common topics of conversation during the long run: 

• Unpleasant experiences at the DMV (this is worldwide)
• How does the toothpaste in the kid’s sink seem to actually COVER the sink?
• Why is it so hard to decide what is for dinner?
• Why does running make me so happy at times, but also question my life choices?
• How painful chafing is, but how you don’t know until you get in the shower.
• What we’re eating when the run is over…

Deeper topics included the pain of miscarriage, adoption, feeling alone in the struggle of…many things. But the talking (& sometimes the tears) helped. Even though nothing changed. Nothing really got easier, but also somehow it did. What I didn’t fully understand until much later is that the long run made the space. It wasn’t necessarily that there wasn’t anyone else to talk to or that something was weighing you down in that exact moment, but the long run made the space for things to surface & come out. The long run that made us tired and chafed and dehydrated (this was obviously before Tailwind existed) also filled up our soul in a way that nothing else could. 

Needless to say, after we moved from Oklahoma I looked for running friends at each new place. Everywhere we go, I search & find women to run with. And everywhere we’ve been, those friendships have given me so much more than fitness. 

These days I am finding women through Trail Sisters! We recently moved (again), and I have only been to a couple meet ups, but I go whenever possible. Sometimes it is easy to find and connect with people and other times not. Continuing to show up to the group and be willing to share something about ourselves increases our chances of connecting. I like this quote by Brené Brown “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

I would add that we need to create the space for connection. I am grateful for the space that running has given me to connect with some incredible women and I am looking forward to more of that here in Colorado. 

To all of the women that I have shared miles with, including my daughter, Sofia…thank you for every step…muah!! 

To all of the women that are struggling with something, you are not alone ~ 

Barbie Monologue