The Season

Recently our family life was completely flipped upside down, in a good way. We went through the process of selling our home and buying another with property to live out our dreams of having donkeys. I recommend following your dreams to anyone. I don’t recommend the process of selling and buying a home. That was a time in our lives that tested our courage, faith, resolve, patience and heart. It was hard on every member of our family both human and animal. My dog jumped through the window twice, ripping the screen. I got the dogs on anxiety medication and one of the dogs had a seizure from a reaction to the medication. It was a season of change. This isn’t an article about moving homes and living your dreams, it is about the season you are in.

In prior articles I have shared about my DNF at Cocodona which left me with a feeling of loss and acceptance. I have found myself in a running rut which I kept thinking it was such a negative place to be. I am a runner. It is part of my identity, that I self identify as. However, how can I call myself a runner if I am not running? I don’t have any races on the calendar. I longingly look at other races and other friends racing and I am jealous. I scroll through the pictures often sad that I am not out on the trail.

However, I have come to recognize I needed this respite from running and racing, not just because we found ourselves selling our home, but because emotionally I needed the respite. I kept thinking and saying, this is just the time of my life that it will be this way. In a conversation with my sister in law I was talking about missing running and she mentioned it is the season you are in. That really hit home with me.

We all go through the seasons on the calendar. I went through a divorce and my therapist told me, go through the seasons before dating again. To know what it is like to be on your own over each season and to make new memories and build your self confidence along the way. This seasonal process I am in now is the same thing.

This summer, I learned that I enjoy early morning sunrises and runs before it gets really hot. I learned that I know I can handle the heat up to 100 degrees. I like to sweat. I like the glow on my skin and the smell of sunscreen. I love the sound of the hot bugs as I call them, the cicadas will start their noises when it gets above 90 degrees. I love the humid air after a monsoon. I laugh when I have all the bugs stuck to me when I am done. I know this, because I missed it. I didn’t run this summer, I packed. I went through our home and prepared for the move. I used to complain about all of that, but as silly as it is, I missed it.

This fall, I learned that I enjoy that summer never leaves and it is still too dang hot to run. I love when the cool temps roll in and there are days that seem too cold to run when it is 60 degrees. I missed the fall races. I volunteered at a race that I always run. I was happy to give back to the race, to the community. It was strange to not be in the race. It was the season I was in.

Winter came and with it, we moved into our forever home. We also all got very sick. We called it the plague. Christmas almost didn’t happen because I was so sick. But, I came back to life and cooked the best Christmas dinner and treats I have ever made. January came and with January, came our donkeys. With the new year came the discovery of new roads to run on, trails to explore. The season of discovery is coming to light. New memories. New adventures. New journeys with our long ears. Living our dream.

Spring will be here before you know it and the smiles and miles will be flowing endlessly.

I have been in a season of not running and racing, not due to physical injury, no tragic thing that happened, simply a season I needed to be in. I will always be a runner. I will always be chasing the sun to see the moon rise. I will always welcome adversity. I will always do hard things and crave the adventure. I have a friend who was going through her own season of not racing and running. It teaches us lessons about ourselves and reignites why we do run. Why do we need to run? Why do we identify as runners?

I am thankful for this season and I know the next season is filled with a better version of me. A more self accepting of flaws version. I appreciate my “why”. I embrace the change.

I wrote this share, that it is okay if you are in your own season, because seasons change and you are changing too. It’s okay. Welcome it! Embrace it! Hold it close to your heart. Happy Trails!